I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
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