I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
Positive reviews on angieslist?
Randomize
