Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
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