I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
Randomize
