Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
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