I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
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