East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
