So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
Randomize
