I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
Randomize
