It's like a parade of train wrecks.
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
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