I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
Randomize
