Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
Randomize
