the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
Randomize
