ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
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