I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
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