I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
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