holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
you win again, gameday.
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
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