Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
Randomize