Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
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