they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
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