Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
Randomize
