tell your sister to shave her snatch
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Randomize
