If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Randomize
