Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
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