Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
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