Rock
Scissors
Fuck
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
Randomize
