He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
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