is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
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