You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
