your parents love me but you hate me
Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
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