I'm going to jail i love you
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Randomize
