Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
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