You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
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