Someone shit on the floor
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
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