I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
I just want to make out with him forever
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
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