Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
Randomize
