If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
Randomize
