is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
Randomize
