how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
Tell her she can't have a vagina
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
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