we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
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I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
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