By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
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