Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
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