Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize
