You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
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