Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
Randomize
