How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Randomize
