I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
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She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
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I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
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