i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
Randomize
