Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
Randomize
