You can't special order awesome
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
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