Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
Randomize
