I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
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