So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
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I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
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I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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