the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
Randomize
