Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
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