I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
Randomize
