come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
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