..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
cat food counts as protein by the way
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Randomize
