I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
