Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
My bed smells like the plague
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
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