He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
Randomize
