I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
Randomize
