I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
Randomize
