I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
i believe in u and ur pee
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
