a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
I seem to have left my pride at pride
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
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