just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
Randomize
