you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
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