I bet he comes in French.
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
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