i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
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