every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
Did I show you my penis last night?
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
Randomize
