I accidentally burped into my bong.
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
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