oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
Randomize
