We need to rekindle our bromance
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
Randomize
