just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Randomize
