The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
Randomize
